These things I'll never say
by Hunny Spectrum
Summary: She couldn't tell him of what had happened - she could only leave, taking the most precious gift, away from him. Years after they reunite and he learns the level of her deception - he's taking no prisoners and getting what is his back. Ray/Mariah fic RnR!
1. Prologue

Hello all! I am back with now my 3rd fic! After being bored stiff, yet again, with revision, this one jumped upon me begging to be written - so I can only obey the mighty will of Fanfiction! Slightly different from the way I like to write or the genre I like to read, this was quite an experimental piece - hopefully it has turned out fairly well! Well we all love RayXMariah loving, but I need plot before I come to fluff! So, I am sorry for the depressing beginning!  
And off we go!  
**Disclaimer: I own nothing TT-TT, except a few ideas - so don't sue... please!**

**These things I'll never say: Prologue **

Cleaning the playroom after a hard day of work, the pinkette closed her eyes in exhaustion. It was hard work being a mother and a working mom at that; but nonetheless very fulfilling, especially with a baby as sweet as she had, the small form tucked away under warm covers, a gentle smile gracing their face. An equally small hand grasped the edge of the heavy, satin covered duvet, seeming to pull it up and almost shrink underneath, away from the night. The other was wrapped snugly around a toffee coloured teddy bear; the softness of the fur and the genial smile made it the perfect bedtime companion for any child with worries about the dark isolation of their own bed.

She smiled indulgently, as she yet again bent to pick up the toys scattered across the floor, and wipe down little accidents of spilled juice. How that child managed to make such a mess, was beyond her! Yet the walls, floor and shelves full of toys and bedtimes stories, were spotlessly clean due to her meticulous maintenance. At least one job was fairly easy for her; the laminate birch made sure there were no stains and was wiped down with anti-bacterial cleaners with no trouble, so her darling would not be under threat from stomach upsets or the like.

The mellow light from the dimmed light to keep the bogey-man at bay gave a comforting and soothing glow, as it reflected off the cornflour yellow walls, covered with gay motifs of fieldmice running to their toadstool homes and frolicking under bright dandelions. She sighed softly, brushing a wayward roseate strand from her eyes before turning over an upturned picture frame. Her clear amber eyes widened at the seemingly harmless image framed within, a perfect match for the cosy room. She would have never placed such a symbolic picture there – her nanny must have found it from trawling through old photo albums, and placed it in the room as decoration.

She remembered, her eyes closing over, the rolling green pastures and bright flower-covered fields well. The fresh smell that rose from trampled grass, teasing the nostrils with the spice of summer. The bright yellow and red wildflowers, all tossing their heads at a little coaxing from the zephyr passing through, and bright beetles, sunlight shining viridian off their open wings, placing kisses on the shyly anticipating blossoms. Merely closing here eyes, she could conjure up an image so vivid, it was as if she was standing there again - after all, it had all started there.

* * *

A small child, happy and carefree, bounded over the grass. It the silver-green blades swayed tickling the backs of her ankles, all amiable and welcoming their frequent visitor. Her short pink hair was tied cutely with a bow, making her look much like a cat, her name-sake, and she jumped over the knolls dotted around with all the feline grace of one. The one she was meeting was sat still, his whole being centred and concentrated; not paying heed to the fact that the breeze blowing was tugging insistently on the thin white garments he wore. His face was screwed up in concentration, thick black lashes pressing against sculpted cheekbones – yet to be uncovered from under the babyfat. Yet even so, the bright sunlight beating down strongly highlighted his already handsome features. 

The girl turned to him with twin apples in her cheeks,  
"Ray-kun, arigatou! The flowers you sent to me were really pretty – mommy even put them in the vase we only take out for guests!"  
She said puffing out her chest proudly. He smiled back, a suspicious colour tingeing his cheeks.  
"It's okay, 'Riah," he replied gently, "I saw them when I went exploring, and I thought they were nearly as pretty as _you_, so -"

He cut himself off hastily, realising his omission too late. He flushed deeply, as did his young female friend, both too embarrassed at that point, to even look at each other.

"Uh…Mariah?" he asked consciously, after an awkward pause, "You're not mad at me are you? Because I _reeaaalllyy_ like you and still want to be friends an' all…" he drifted off as she nodded enthusiastically, wondering if all that shaking was going to actually take her pretty little head off!  
"It's okay Ray-kun! I like you too! You're a really good friend that I look up to so, I _couldn't_ be mad! Not ever and never and never and…."  
He grinned at her reassurances, watching as she seemed to chant for a good few minutes, before starting to chat amicably, as usual. All was normal, yet now, there was an unspoken agreement between the two, that their hearts were pledged to the other from here on in.

It was this pledge in fact, that caused many stuttering and blushing moments between the two as they blossomed into adulthood. The all to eager attitudes, the terribly concealed 'glances' and the moments of despair with thoughts of 'what if they don't feel like that anymore' were the source of amusement to many villagers. When the drama did come to an end, after some discreet word between the two (prompted by some not so discreet nudges!), no-one was anything but happy for them. The sweetheart of all the folk, who went out of her way to go visit sick and lonely 'grandmas' and 'grandpas', or to give overstretched mother respite, had fallen hopelessly in love, and they wished her all the best.

They were the ideal example of childhood sweethearts growing into a loving young couple; yet there were some detractors, the most strong of which were her cousins and uncles. They disapproved of 'that wild ruffian' as they had dubbed him, his background and wealth not matching hers – the clan that ruled the village. Fortunately, they were blissfully unaware of all the opinions about them, and the whispered mutterings of a bitter few. In each other's company, they could only think of the overwhelming joy and feeling of security and contentment – or so she had thought.

Of course all their most special trysts had been in that almost sacred field. The first time they had gone out together as an _official couple_. He had surprised her late at night, by throwing pebbles at her window, then beckoning her down. She had complied blushing, as only yesterday had he asked her to be with him. With a bento box, a warm blanket and each others company, they spent the night cuddled up, the moonlight bathing them with an ethereal glow, gazing at the stars in the clear sky and talking of their hopes and dreams.

Their first kiss had also been there – after a few weeks of shy hand-holding, she had turned her face up to him, like a flower reaching for the sun; and he, with a face of determination, had proceeded to tenderly kiss her senseless. Her mouth was dry and her pulse raced, as she felt clumsy but elated under his subtle persuasion. His warm breath on her face had been a delicious contrast to the cool wind blowing over their forms, and she had noticed how the air around them had been full of the sweet smell of nightly opening flowers, their soft fallen petals, brushing around them, chasing each other ins little flurries.

Then the first time he told her he loved her – and she had obviously reciprocated blushing up a storm; thinking herself to be the luckiest woman alive. She had let a few wayward tears of happiness escape, an he, sensing them had responded with extreme concern, telling her all that was wonderful about her. His further promise had been to show and tell her just how much she meant to him, every day. Sitting on his lap, bathed under the brightness of a full moon, she had thought that his words would stay true forever.

And of course their first time… no, not their, but certainly her first time – when she, wanting to show him the true extent of her love; had given him everything and joined with him in the most primal and instinctive way possible. She had been nervous, but oh so very happy, as he whispered sweet, soothing words of how she was worth more to him than anything in the world. At that point, despite having mud smeared on one cheek, pain from being torn from her first time, and sticky grass seed sticking to her hair, she felt she could take on the world. The very air around her had seemed to shimmer and sparkle, being a part of the magic that the two of them had just made. Wind whispered in hushed but joyful tones through their hair, through the silvery blades all round them, and each flower had looked to be dipped in mixture of liquid moonlight and diamonds, the droplets of dew reflecting light a thousand times over.

Ironically, though it was yet another first in that verdant field, it was one of her last times there. Soon after, she found him becoming distant and uncomfortable around her. It was an alien feeling, as they had been the closest since childhood, and she was not sure how to deal with it. Suspicions and worries arose again – at least on her part; yet she quelled them with reminders that he was under a lot of stress – preparing for university exams was by no means an easy task; and surely, after that… that heavenly night, he could not be jealous of her contact with other men – as that had been the only disagreement between them. For it was a well known fact she had eyes for him only – even if it meant overlooking herself.

And indeed, that is exactly what she had been doing, worrying about him and why he was behaving in such a way, she forgot to take care of herself. She found herself unable to eat, the very sight of food binging a strange queasiness to her stomach. Then there were sleepless nights, where she got tangled amongst the sheets, drenched in cold sweat, from nightmares when she did drift off. Her body-clock started to go wrong, with no period, a common side-effect of stress. Eventually, when this illness progressed to vomiting, she was sent to see the doctor, as her stomach refused to keep down anything that was not liquid or raw fruit or strangely, fish. Even though her condition seemed fairly serious, she left for her appointment mostly in a daze, worrying more about why he being cold, and if he was okay.

At the surgery, the indifferent whitewashed walls seemed to close in on her, as she finally took the time to think about herself. She fidgeted nervously under the supercilious glower of the receptionist, half-moon frames placed primly on a pointed nose, above a small, mean, mouth. Once inside the doctor's room some shrewd questions were directed at her. She responded honestly, growing increasingly more uneasy as to the direction his assumptions were heading. Her palms became clammy and she clutched the hem of her shirt, trying to seek comfort from anything. Eventually, she was left with one glaringly obvious reason for her deterioration in health. The tests were carried out quickly and efficiently by an impersonal nurse, yet even she was judgmental, her mouth pursed tightly, and her condemning eyes would have had a lesser woman bowing her head in shame. And she – used to loving smiles and adoring looks, was heavily affected by this. Her mood became grey and storm clouds gathered ominously, as she looked out of the window to distract herself.

She was left to wait, biting her lips with anxiousness. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest and her stomach cramped, as if snakes within had started writhing and coiling over each other, 'please let it not be that, please let it not be positive' she begged up to the forces above. Eventually she was ushered through to a private room, where a nurse sat ready for her, with a sombre face.

The results were positive - she was pregnant.

She felt her whole body become numb and barely heard the clatter of her handbags contents falling all over the floor. It fitted so perfectly, and she felt distinctly dizzy at her stupidity for not realising earlier – yet it had only been the one time, and she hadn't expected that… Her eyes glazed over as the thudding of her heart faded to nothing and she swayed forwards onto the desk catching herself from hitting her head just in time.

Her immediate reaction was one of panic – how could she have a baby, she was a little more than a child herself! And her future? At sixteen, she had the brains, drive and capability to get herself far in any profession of her choice, but not with having to care for a baby as well. Then family and friends – what would they think? They lived, after all, in a close knit community, and everyone would know in couple of weeks – especially when she stared to show; and despite their care for her; people _talked._

Despite all these anxious thoughts, she knew, in her heart that she could not go for abortion – the life growing inside her was special and a gift, and a piece of _him_. She could not callously suck an unborn foetus from her womb, with all the protecting fluid and throw it in the garbage – as surgeons at such clinics did; neither could she have the baby cut into pieces inside her, hen pulled out through a small incision. No, she would keep the baby at all costs, and it was her duty as a mother to protect it.

The only comforting factor, for the sweet pinkette; despite his recently cool attitude, was that she knew he would help and support her – he_ loved_ her, he had said so many a time; and now, shown her too, by creating a child with her. He may go off to University, but he would certainly make sure that she was well cared for – it was one of the things she loved most about him.

She had gone to the 'park' as it was affectionately known, to try and sort her thoughts out, and think of what to do. She had been hopeless on the latter front, but she could not stay longer. By now, due to her musings, dusk had fallen, and only the very bravest rays of light dared to poke through, giving gloomy light, as it was filtered by the heavy rain-clouds. She shivered in the light clothing she wore; the cold hard bench within the shelter did nothing to alleviate the increasing chill. A light drizzle began, coating her roseate locks with film of silver. Yet no notice was taken, as she shook them back and she made for his house – the time was right for him to be there now, and now more than ever, she needed him. She needed to feel his calm presence, the comforting feel of his arms holding her in a tight cocoon away from the harmful forces of the world. She needed his love, and the assurance that he would stick by her in this difficult time.

The rain steadily increased and so did her speed, until she was sprinting towards her destination. Turning into his street, she saw the tawny glare of headlights – that was his car; one of the few in the small village bought for tough mountain terrain, bought with money from winning the championships. She smiled, remembering his immense pride at the automobile, when it had arrived - it had been the talk of the villagers for weeks. Taking a breath in to call out his name, she saw him get out; with a red-haired woman clinging to him. He too looked as if he was hanging on for dear life, their lips meeting often and frenziedly. He held her close, pulling her flush against him, desperately trying to get more of her essence in any way possible. She pushed him away slightly, pulling him to the door, while he looked at her with darkened eyes, his hands all over her at once. They quickly disappeared inside, dragging each other as fast as possible, the clothes starting to come off, even before they had entered the shelter of his house.

She brought a rain-drenched hand to her mouth to stop the wail of anguish, as she inwardly shattered. Her heart literally ache with ever beat, as it seemed to smash against her breastbone. Each breath of air felt like inhaling fire to her, catching painfully in her throat. So… he didn't love her – he couldn't because he certainly never looked at her with such need and desire, nor kissed her with such passion – even when they had… She muffled a sob with her hands, her warm tears mixing with the cool rain, the pain of them burning behind her eyes, and blocking her throat, her whole body shaking with the effort of staying quiet. He couldn't know she knew - she would not be humiliated so.

There was no way she could tell him now – it would be unfair to expect him to support a child born out of a relationship he did not enjoy. Not to mention that she would be ostracised, known as the local slut, in their conservative society. Her baby would also have to bear the insults and taunting due to that and she could not allow that to happen. But neither could she run away and support herself and the child in the manner she was used to living in - or the manner a baby should be brought up in. No,that was not the right option, nonetheless, stuck between a rock and a hard place, it was her only option - to leave while no-one knew, and try and eke a life out for the two of them.

* * *

That had been years ago, and one of the most heartbreaking decisions she had had to make, to leave her love, her life, her friends and family. And even now, despite being hardened by seeing some of the worst the world had to offer, the wound still cut deep. Fruitlessly brushing tears from her eyes, Mariah crumpled to the playroom floor and wept. Her wracking sobs were the only sound that drifted off across the night, the sound of loneliness, desperation, suffering and betrayal. 

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I wish the ending were more Nyappy, but that's the way it goes - it will get better though, that I promise. This was a bit of background that needed to be done quickly, so I'm sorry if the level of detail was not as much as you'd like – it's not as much as I would, but the chapter has sucked me dry of detail – but it shall be back with vengeance for following ones! .  
Another note is that the use of He and She all the way through the flashback was intentional - it gets a bit monotonous, but I wanted a sort of montage effect and it worked pretty well in kare kano - the anime.  
In addition to this, this will only be continued on response - so if you guys hate it, I shall take it down, and this story shall never see the light of day again!  
Last point, I have decided to put a special literary device in each chapter, that was _consciously_ done. If you can spot and name it, the next chappie will be dedicated to you!

Please review! They make me go round grinning like a maniac, and inspire me to write more. And if you must flame, please leave a valid reason for hating the story - if it helps me grow as a writer, I have no problem with the criticism.

Thanks all! Ja


	2. Reunion

Hello to all my lovely readers! You just make my day making those little stats go up and up! I finally have managed to get the second instalment out to you all - not as depressing as last time; you'll all be glad to know! But still, not particularly Nyappy either. Still I hope you enjoy, and that some of the questions aroused are answered now!

A special thank-you to Aquarius Galuxy, katrinagalaxy and Dulce Prongs, my reviewers as you gave me an incentive to write for! .

Oh! The literary device in the last chapter was not guessed, so I won't be continuing that!

_**Disclaimer: The multi-million franchise? Yeah... I don't own it! T.T**_

* * *

**These things I'll never say: Reunion **

The soft light of dawn filtered through the high rise office building, despite it being the fairly late hour of 8. She had already been seated at her desk for the past hour an half, conscientiously going through the paperwork that had built up since the previous evening. The soft scratching of pen on paper and the crumple of turned pages were the only sounds pervading the room.

There was a thick sense of guilt – misplaced guilt, yet it was there nonetheless. Fruitlessly, she pushed thoughts of the small child she had left, curled under the covers. Of course the child would be cared for, the nanny she had was one of the best in the profession, and chosen by her own critical eye – yet; she missed the smile on her baby's face as she woke up, or the soft form clinging to her as she set about her, and her child's daily ablutions.

Yes, she certainly missed looking after her darling, spending all the time of the day together, watching each new discovery, each triumph over obstacles, being there to console after each disappointment. But she owed her baby this much, to give the best chances she possibly could, by working hard at her job. It was fairly ironic – when she was pregnant, she had worried how her it would ruin her career. It had turned out to be the opposite, with her baby being the reason for her success.

She was snapped out of here reverie, as she heard the door open, a deafening sound in the stillness of her office. It was unusual for people to be up on the top floor – especially this early in the morning. Many feared invoking the wrath of the feisty rose-haired woman, and none but the bravest dared to disturb her alone time.

She lifted a finely arched eyebrow as she saw the rather portly woman, come bustling in, _trying_ to be discreet. Seeing she had failed, she tucked a strand of grey hair behind her ears, helped herself to a cup of coffee before sitting down in the comfortable leather chair, releasing a sigh of contentment.  
"How are you dear?"  
she asked, her copious bosom resting on the edge of the finely lacquered wood that made her desk.  
"It's been so long since I last saw you – and my little sweetie too! Surely you still remember us, and were going to visit?" She questioned, chidingly. Mariah gave a sheepish smile in return. Bella had been a close and supportive friend through all the years of struggle, yet of late she had not been able to spare the time to go and see her lovely family, due to pressure from the board of directors. Her thoughts had often drifted to them, and she conveyed her regret through her eyes, gesturing to the mountain of paperwork beside her, "The work….!"

The elder of the two nodded understandingly. She of all people how hard Mariah worked to make sure her baby had the best of everything – there was nothing more important in the world to her. "Oh, don't worry, I know, I know! All you jet-setting, workaholic types!" She rolled her eyes to the ceiling, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, "Sometimes I worry – you never have any fun anymore, being so uptight at 23 is not good for your health!" Mariah nodded for her to continue, as she started writing again – she had heard this lecture a thousand times, it was not worth sitting idly through it.

"Hmmm," said the elder Bella, "you know what you need?"

"What?" she humoured the old woman, taking a sip of her Espresso. The dark bitter taste ran down her throat soothing the slightly sore, scratchy feeling inside.

"You need… you need to get laid, my dear!" she said with a certain finality.

Mariah almost spat out her coffee in surprise – _that_ certainly wasn't the lecture she was used to! The elder woman sat looking smugly pleased at her deduction, not noticing the flabbergasted young adult opposite her. She gathered her wits fairly quickly – it was imperative to be able to do so in business situations, before responding levelly, "If I had been busy doing_ that_!" she spat distastefully, it was still a fairly sore subject with her, "Then, I wouldn't have been able to build _this_ and provide for -"

The old woman looked at her with softened eyes. "I know that dear, and you've done such a good job, both with raising our pet; being a mother and building this beautiful institution – well institution_**s**_ I suppose it would be!" She smiled gently, "to think that little scrappy girl would be the MD of a chain of top class nurseries!"

The younger of the two women also cracked a smile; she remembered those difficult days well. Despite having made it big now there always remained a picture on her desk of her earlier days as a door-to-door sales lady – not that she was able to do any selling as such. It was more a case of struggling against gales in the bitter cold, with her baby swaddled up on her hip, as she delivered the brochures. Her path was only lit by the orange glare of streetlights, and many a time, she and been forced to chase after run-away flyers – while being impeded by her baby.

Yet she was thankful more than anything for her baby. It had been a blessing in disguise – if she had never had her child, her dreams of sitting on the top floor of a large corporation never would have been realised. It was quite peculiar, really, that though many people spent years of their life devoted to making a product or service to become rich and successful; she had stumbled upon her opportunity by chance.

She had always been good with children, instinctively understanding their needs and different cries for attention; so naturally when she had taken the best care possible of her own newborn; people had noticed. It was this; that had prompted others to take advantage of her kindness and ask her to also take care of their children during the day – after all, she only worked in the afternoon and evenings. She had thrived on it; despite it being a tiring job; as each day the children went home with something new: – a piece of art work made from scraps of hard pasta; their first letters written - with help – using an old Kohl pencil or a new nursery rhyme that never ceased to amuse them.

She had done it all for free, as they were the children of her _friends,_ and after all the help they had given her, it was the least she could do! In addition to this, it was the little contact she got with adults, as she had not heard from any friends or family since the baby had been born. In their eyes – the eyes of a narrow minded cautious society – she was nothing more than a hussy who only brought shame and dishonour upon her family. Dishonour was never something to be tolerated by the village head – her father, and all contact from any of her near and dear had been cut off.

However, despite her talent; she would have never had managed to make anything of herself, like she now had, unless it had been for the intervention of a kindly stranger. Well, at the very least, she had been a stranger at that point; and had behaved like some kind of guardian angel for her in her most desperate time of need – what with the bills; the eviction threats; the dirty, drugged up men leering at her in the corridor of her apartment block…

Mariah swallowed the growing lump in her throat as emotions continued to rise; there was still a big pile of paperwork sitting on her desk and it would not get done if she re-lived the haunting memories of her past. She sighed as she concentrated herself on the document in front of her; a new and reliable catering company for her nurseries was her top priority. She as a parent herself insisted on the freshest possible, best quality food, with of course no artificial flavourings or colourings. It was difficult to find a company who met such requirements, and had branches making fresh food throughout the country.

The one she was looking at was no good at all – gimmicky food, like chocolate tasting vegetables was not what children needed to learn how to at proper food at all. She lifted the page hopelessly awaiting yet another mistake to the food industry – only to find something that appealed to her immensely. "Fresh wholesome meals, a traditional style for a traditional palate" she read aloud. She stretched over to the phone on her desk, pressing the button to call her secretary.

"Hello, Trisha? Yes, I'm already in… fine absolutely fine. Hmm, so about the catering company – yes, I found one that looks pretty good, "The Cat's cream"; can you go and research the details? Mh Hm, if it looks worthwhile then make me an appointment to meet up with the manager. That's great thanks!" she smiled brightly, but her brow furrowed as the talkative woman continued. "A party?" she asked tentatively, "But you know at home I have R-… well … yes, there is the nanny… but the time I spend together with… no, I suppose not… alright then; I guess one night wouldn't hurt… erm sure, I'll do my best."

She placed the phone back down looking fairly perturbed – yes, being a mother did _not_ mean she had no life, but as a rule she tended to stay away from such situations. Parties meant men, which, she had seen with friends of hers; meant one night stands. The last time she had indulged in something like that… well, 6 years later, the hurt of rejection and banishment still cut deep. Friends were plenty, but men – possible partners were not a part of her life at all; she had been hurt too badly the last time she had let herself fall.

But regardless, when seeing friends, colleagues, even people on the street looking blissfully happy in the arms of their companions still sent a twang of regret and wistfulness through her. Indeed she was happy and loved by friends, her child; yet as a woman she needed something more to fulfil her emotional needs. And not to mention the odd looks she often got from others in the office complex –she was seen as an ice queen, turning down invites to go for a drink or a meal whenever they cropped up. This was far from the truth; she was a warm, vivacious character, though being a working _mother_ meant she had more important commitments on her time…. Nonetheless, the thought of a night out had been inviting, some time to let her hair down and act like the young wild thing she was supposed to be. And Bella's words had worried her – surely she wasn't getting uptight and prematurely aged?

Then again, she was not going to such an event; where drunken madness would surely ensue, without back up. She dialled her mobile – the personal one that had no qualms in being shocking pink, and waited for the woman at the other end to pick up.

"Hey sweetie! How are you doing? Yeah, not too bad!" she smiled; listening to the sleepy tones of her bed-loving friend, "Listen Honey, I have a favour to ask you… you know about that shindig? Oh dear, is Kai being annoying again? Well….you could always come with me!" She laughed at the incredulous shout that came down the line, "Yep, _I_ am going out on the town tonight! Shall do, dress to impress shall be the order of the day! Well, I was thinking either that crinkle effect red dress or my white strapless – you're wearing red? Hmm, can't go looking similar, so…. something strapless? Uh, I don't…..yes it _would_ look nice. But -! Oh! I have the perfect idea… Mh hm, shoes and all! Well its…"

* * *

She had indeed kept her word and dressed to impress, appearing in a sparkling silver sheath dress, that skimmed her curves, just hinting at he delicious figure underneath. The two women had met up, to dress together before the party (only after Mariah had returned home to see what new things had been taught at school and to serve dinner); and for once Mariah felt her age, like a fresh faced, carefree twenty-something. Swept up with the momentum of the party, she had laughed, talked, flirted, drunk alcohol, danced and generally had a good time. In spite of that, the reminder of her child back at home, watching _Mickey's House of Mouse_ in the pretty nursery, stopped her from completely letting go and putting down her guard to the many handsome men present there. 

Eventually, Honey had been forced to find her, and talk to her. She had dragged the younger woman on the dance floor, the multicolour flashing lights masking her striking hair, while shaking and grinding to the beat of Am to Pm.

"Listen darling," said the older of the two, her jet black hair swaying with the beat and almond shaped eyes flashing both with concern and irritation, "I know you love that child immensely, Hell, I love that child like my own! But that does not mean you should feel guilty from having a good time yourself from time to time." She glared at the stubborn pinkette's refusal to enjoy life to the full, and she scowled when she saw the young mother throw distrusting glances at the men surrounding the two of them. "Oh no you don't!" she cried, "I have worked too hard with trying to get you to forget him, for you to revert back to your wary, browbeaten, former self!"

The pinkette stopped and looked at her friend with anguished eyes, "But remember Ray; if he didn't want me…" She stopped short as Honey grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her square in the eyes.

"No. Forget Ray. If he didn't want you then he was the biggest fool to have ever lived. Forget him, what he did to you – URGH!" She cried throwing up her hands in disgust, "He was a loser, a jerk, forget about him, he doesn't deserve another thought from your pretty little head!" She gently turned the pinkette's head to the smiling men around her, "But that doesn't mean that all men are such jerks – that all _these_ men are!" She gave a breathless burst of laughter before continuing, "Don't do this to yourself, always pushing others away. You, more than anyone else I know deserves love; deserves to _be loved_…. Don't let the opportunity pass by being too fearful or dubious."

Mariah opened her mouth to argue, to tell Honey the same half-truths that got her through each day only to see her friend's partner, Kai, making his way through the dance floor; a smile on his face as he took in the form of his beloved. The words died in her throat as she realised how envious she was of the two. He came and wrapped his arms around the unsuspecting woman, who readied hit the presumptuous letch that had dared touch her; when she shifted her head and saw him. A look of adoration passed onto her face, replacing the previously fierce expression.

She felt cold and alien as she saw the couple, lost in their own world, not needing to speak as glances and small touches more than sufficed. Honey, too polite to disregard another for long, reverted her attention to the solitary rose-headed woman, and soon she was chatting with them both, Kai as well, who had turned out to be a great friend through the difficult times. Nevertheless, they were still an item, and wanting to spend time together, they excused themselves; knowing that Mariah would not be alone, with so many other mutual friends – mostly from the beyblading/business world, that were present.

Honey's words echoed through her mind as she made her way to the bar to have yet another drink. It was true that her past experience had left suspicious of the intentions of men. And she really _had_ loved Ray, the memory of him tainting any possible romantic encounters she might have had. But she _did_ long to have someone in her life once more, someone who could make her feel wanted,someone who could maker her feel special – a feeling she had forgotten long ago; perhaps even someone to be the father for her child. She sighed as she looked at the bottom of her brandy glass, the warm amber tones reminiscent of his eyes. Perhaps it was rose-hued glasses; but there hadn't been a time in her life when Mariah had been happier, than that brief spell in her sixteen's, with Ray. She took a long gulp of the liquor, relishing the feeling of it burning down her gullet, while the corners of her full mouth turned downwards with misery.

"Dear me!" exclaimed an amused voice; the rich earthy tones sending a caress over her skin, that left her nerves tingling. "What is the world coming to, if a beautiful young woman has to drink away her troubles alone in such a lively party like this!" She cracked a bleary eye open at the joker, faintly annoyed at him disturbing her peace. "Never fear Madame! I shall take it upon myself to make sure that you will not remain alone, and that this night will be one of_the_ best you have ever had."

The words were seemingly innocuous, but the deep timbre of his voice held possibilities for any woman ready to hear. She swivelled round on her barstool to greet brandy-coloured orbs. Her breath caught in her throat, and she couldn't move in panic – not now! Not here! There was only **one** man she knew with eyes of that colour, long black hair and cheeky fangs protruding under his grin.

Her recognition was immediate, and her withdrawal from the situation should have been the same – yet once more, she found herself reacting to him in the same way, his words seeming to weave a spell over her that abolished all sensible thoughts of escape. God, but he was suave. _His_ recognition, however, did not come. Through the course of the night, he told her of his life, his success as a chef – his dream job. He was fascinated by her, the many emotions, unknowingly appearing on her face; like the ever changing colours of the rainbow. She too shared a little of herself, telling him of her likes, dislikes and hobbies; but **never** anything that could give away who she was. Though her head was fuzzy from the alcohol, she had enough sense not to let him know. Praying desperately that this would be the last time they would meet, she was surprised to see the night had passed quickly, and that he was asking for her number. Not wanting to seem rude, she coyly told him, that destiny would bring them together if they were to meet, averting his requests for further contact. He had smiled his charming smile and had agreed nodding.

As she entered her apartment, careful to make no noise to wake her baby or the nanny, she took off her heels and collapsed to the floor from exhaustion. She could easily dance for 3, 4 hours straight, but the meeting with her ex-lover had left her emotionally drained. Laughing cynically, that even when she decided to forget and move on, he almost seemed to follow her. She padded barefoot into the nursery, giving her abused soles some relief.

The child lay fast asleep, thumb wedged firmly between two rosebud lips. Everyday a little older, a little more like Ray. Only last week had she found out that even their favourite foods matched. But this was not Ray; this was her baby, her darling, and all the love she would ever need. She repeated this firmly to herself, bending to kiss the child's forehead, tenderly sweeping the same black hair from over closed amber eyes. They would make it through together. As long as he didn't know, he would not follow her and their child, and turn her life upside down again. As long as she never said.

* * *

Uwah! It seems I can't make Mariah happy regardless of how I try! TT But things are looking up (sort of) with the love of her life back in it! I hope the ending wasn't too rushed, I wanted to try and capture the feeling of Mariah's urgency to get away... uh, if I haven't managed it, please tell me! And I don't own "Mickey's House of mouse" either!

And PLEASE REVIEW! I love the things! And if you want to give constructive criticism, then please do; I shall do my best to try and improve it, as this helps me grow as a writer to give **you** all more entertainment! For reading, you already have my everlasting gratitude, but for reviewing? You have my timeless adoration! So press the purple button... please?


	3. Realisation

Hallo to all my darling readers, if you're reading this after over 6 months of neglect, I'm indebted to you! I am, in fact a miserable snivelling worm, for keeping you waiting for so long – my only excuse is exams and bucket-loads of preparation; who knew getting into med school was so difficult! ; I can only promise you fairly fast updates from now on, because SUMMER is finally here!!

Now only to say, **I don't own Beyblade – my lawyers weren't good enough to get it for me! TT.TT**

And on with the show!! Enjoy!

* * *

**These Things I'll Never Say: Realisation**

In a hazy world, with his senses dulled, Ray reached out to the beautiful woman dressed in white. It was imperative he reached her, he didn't know why or what magnetic force drew him to her, he was helpless but to follow. Yet, every time he neared her; close enough to just catch the ends of her long petal coloured hair, he caught his foot in a hidden knoll, while she bounded away with a teasing laugh. She paused as he picked himself up from the lush emerald pasture, her eyes shining with warmth and mischief. "Get up, Ray." she urged softly, the lilt of her voice unmistakeable. "'Riah?" he asked astounded to see the woman of bygone years in front of him. She shook her head, the delicate strands framing her face waving gently, "You need to get up, Ray" she repeated. His brows furrowed, if she wasn't _her_ then… was she the woman from the party? The thought seemed to shake him to the core, as his world started to black out around him….

And suddenly bright light; his senses coming back to vibrant life. He screwed his eyes shut to ward off the blinding sunshine from the French windows, while trying to discern the feminine form moving around his bedroom. "Hils?" he asked croakily after a while. "Yes! Finally you decide to get up!" she sighed exasperatedly, "Have you any idea what time it is? It's not like you Ray to get up so irresponsibly late when you have such a big meeting today!"

'Meeting?' he thought blearily, the woman from his dreams still commanding his attention. "Seriously, even if you don't care about getting the contract with that kiddie place, at least get up so Tyson doesn't destroy your kitchen!" She joked. He cracked a half smile despite his consternation – the woman had been invading his thoughts and dreams for the past few weeks now, so much so that he was forgetting his responsibilities. But today was different; Mariah his childhood sweetheart had never featured in them before now, though the same infuriating frustration was present. What kind of a fool had he been to be fobbed off with a "We'll meet again if destiny wants us to" kind of answer? He must have been more drunk than he had realised, and now there was no way of contacting that fascinating woman.

"Ray?" Hillary called hesitantly, "Are you Ok? Will you be going to the meeting today or…?" she drifted off.

"Um… er, yeah" he replied massaging his forehead, "I've got a couple of hours left to get there…" She smiled back warmly, nodding that she understood and happy he wasn't shirking on his duties. "Okay then! You can contact Tyson and me on my mobile, to celebrate after you 'close the deal' or whatever it is you people call it! I'll see you later then!" She came and swiftly gave him a hug before leaving his apartment, dragging a protesting bluenette after her.

He groaned quietly trying to ease his aching muscles hating that he had slept awkwardly. Padding to the bathroom; the deep sunken bath tub, and mellow lighting around it looking oh so inviting; he switched on the shower, hoping a blast of hot water would make him feel more human.

* * *

A couple of hours later saw him looking decidedly dapper, in a navy tailored suit and crisp pink shirt, but still very irritated. As much as he had tried, the woman from his dreams, Mariah and the lady of the party had not vanished from the forefront of his thoughts. His lack of focus was made all the more apparent when the other party entered the room to be introduced before negotiations, and he failed to get up. A not so discrete nudge from his business partner Max Mizuhara, roused him, only for his mouth to fall open in a most unprofessional manner. "You…!" he managed to splutter after a few seconds.

The lady in flatteringly cut cream suit raised a finely arched fuchsia brow. Though her form was petite, her personality dominated the room, commanding an awed and respectful silence from all the men gathered. Maxie finally cleared his throat and started to make introductions after what seemed an age, "Ms Chou, I don't believe I've had the pleasure!" he grinned stretching out a hand jovially. Ray tuned him out to a white noise… the lady with whom he was going to get a contract with was apparently the same one from the celebration; but… _Chou?_ Wasn't that _her_ surname? Surely she…?

He watched her with round eyed surprise as she offered a creamy, perfectly manicured hand, her clear eyes regarding him coolly. "Ah yes, and this is Mr Kon, but I believe the two of you have met, if his outburst is to indicate anything!" Max teased his eyes twinkling as usual. He shook her hand slowly, nodding slightly to the blonde to take over proceedings. His manner may have been joking, but Max was a true professional taking "the Cat's Cream" to new heights and national fame. He could well rely on him ensuring they got their break with this steady customer, especially when he was otherwise distracted like today.

She was, as usual, in total control of his thoughts and reactions; his need to watch her every move almost instinctive. It was strange he hadn't made the connection earlier, never had there been a more striking shade of rose atop a person's head. But it wasn't just the match in hair colour, she behaved the same way: the endearing gnawing of her full lower lip, her hands unconsciously fiddling with the pendant round her neck – _she_ had always done that when feeling tense. However, most of all, it was her eyes: bright, intelligent and never missing a beat as Max gave his sales pitch. They showed the maturity of the past five years that had passed, yet still managed to hold the innocent guileless charm that had captured him years ago.

With his emotions in such a tumultuous state, he didn't trust himself to make an input into the discussions. So he sat idly by, trying to work out – was this really his childhood sweetheart, a blast from the past waltzing back into his life? What _had _happened to her? Was the smart successful woman in front of him the selfsame one from his little village? Surely she would recognise him if she were, he had it on good account that he had not changed much in the past few years.

The negotiations complete, Ray felt a little bewildered as the contract was pushed towards him to sign it. They had their break, the elegant feminine script just above Maxie's scrawl was testament to that. But it was now the last thing on his mind as he dutifully signed, mulling things over – there _was_ one way to check.

They all rose as she started to leave the room, a cool smile that didn't quite reach her eyes pasted to her face. "'Riah, baby?" he asked throatily, his arm voluntarily reaching out to her – he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. The room fell deadly silent. She froze in her place, a brief look of horror and panic flashing through her eyes before cold anger harshly outlined every plane of her face. She shot him a withering glance, not even deigning him with words, before stalking out of the room with the loud 'tap tap' of her heels.

* * *

"Ray, come on, explain man!" whined Tyson as the four of them dined in a chic restaurant for lunch. The low lighting and clean minimalist lines a perfect foil for the nouvelle cuisine. Yet, as Ray was a chef himself, it was rare for the group to be out – usually just going over to his apartment for a gourmet meal cooked to the highest standards. And it wasn't like they were taking advantage of him; it was what the white tiger loved doing best.

"I really don't understand either really, Ray. I thought you had just secured the most important contract of the year for you… and with the amount of champagne you've drunk, shouldn't you seem happier?" Hillary questioned, concerned about the miserable behaviour of her friend. Max looked at him archly, drumming his hands on the crisp white linen tablecloth, silently asking if he could explain. Ray let out a frustrated breath of air, fisting his fringe in his hands.

"Do any of you remember Mariah" he asked suddenly, startling all his companions. Max was the first to recover, furrowing his brow as he tried to remember,

"You mean your first real girlfriend? The one you had grown up with in your village?" A look of comprehension passed over Tyson's face as Hillary continued to look perplexed.

"Oh… her! The pretty pinkette who used to cheer you on from the sidelines! Ah, those were the days – when we used to 'blade, see!" he explained to Hillary, who nodded understanding. Max continued to look worried as a vital piece of information seemed to be eluding him. His eyes widened with surprise as it finally clicked, "Didn't she, like, disappear off the face of the earth? You don't mean to say that this morning…?" Ray nodded glumly at him. "Is that why you shouted, _'You!'_ scaring us half to death?" he enquired tentatively. Ray's head shot up at that,

"What? Uh… no… that was different – I realised that she was the woman from the party at that point" he answered in reply to their inquisitive looks.

Hillary smirked craftily, "You mean the one you've been talking about in your sleep and reaching out to in your dreams?" she asked coyly. Tyson nudged her gently in the ribs, "Hey! How come you know so much about what he dreams about?" he asked her, jealousy tingeing his words. She giggled in response, squeezing the hand she was holding and leaning her head onto his shoulder. Max ignored their little interplay, also grinning at the situation.

"You should contact her." He stated, popping a piece of chicken in his mouth. Ray looked at him in disbelief,

"She didn't even talk! And after the evils she shot me this morning? Somehow I get the feeling she doesn't want to be best buds again."

"_What_ did you do?" Hillary said sharply, glaring quite balefully at him. Ray looked back unsure and innocently while Maxie seemed decidedly amused.

"Well, you know, the usual sort of thing when you meet an old girlfriend – not say a word to her the whole time she's there, then dredge up all the old memories and feelings by calling her a pet name. _''Riah, baby'_ wasn't it?" He pronounced cheerfully.

Hillary looked horrified, while even Tyson winced and this. Ray looked back at them annoyed.

"Come on! It wasn't that bad!" he defended.

"_That bad?_ Ray-ray, that is possibly the _worst_ way I have ever heard to greet an ex! I don't blame her for not talking to you _or_ shooting you evils! I personally would have a done a lot worse!" she exclaimed. Tyson snickered at this,

"Well, heaven forbid the day a man crosses you, Hils!" he joked. She narrowed her eyes and intoned evenly out,

"Oh you better believe it, Tyson! You know what they say, _Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!_" They all laughed, minus Tyson, at the look of apprehension on his face.

"But seriously, man" Maxie continued once they had calmed down, "You should contact her – if only to apologise and become friends again… and if _that_ leads to something that stops the those…_uncomfortable _dreams of yours, then all the better, huh!?" Grins broke out all around the table at that, and Ray gently hit the back of the blonde's head. "It's not like that – I'm not a teenager any longer… in my dreams, she was so lovely, so fresh – like an angel." He sighed, a sense of peace washing over him.

Hillary's face softened and she touched his shoulder, "Go get your angel then, Ray. We'll do everything we can to help you."

* * *

A week later saw him thoroughly wound up again. Damn it! But the woman was hard to reach. You would expect that working with her would make it relatively easy to contact her! Not true – she was _always_ busy! 'She must be avoiding me and my calls' he thought. '_Nobody_ has that much work, that they cannot take calls at 7.30 in the morning – and I know for a fact she's up, because 'Happy Days' is open for business then!'

He paced his bedroom in annoyance, the stark clean lines and the chrome, grey and white colour scheme giving it a distinctly male feel to the room. "I don't even understand what's her problem!" he mused aloud flopping down onto the square faux-fur covered bed. "I _missed _her and want to get back in touch! Is that such a _crime_, Driger?" he asked. The beyblade remained mute and unhelpful. "And what's with her acting like the injured party? _She_ left _me_!! No note! No explanations! She just high-tailed it out of there! And left me worrying _for_ _years_! I mean, she was the love of my life back then, and it _broke my heart_ when she left without a trace! How dare she act like _she's_ the _victim_?" he exclaimed, banging his fists into the mattress.

"You know what Driger? I have a good mind to tell her all this! And I would if I could only _contact_ her!" He growled angrily. Sitting up, he swept his eyes moodily around the room for any inspiration. The large French windows, letting the sunshine stream in dominated the room, with little other furniture other than the huge bed and his wardrobe. His eyes finally landed on a photograph by his bed – the whole of the Bladebreakers. The light of an idea crept into his eyes, "Kai…" he murmured, "Why didn't I think of it before! He's kept tabs on everybody, so he's bound to know how to reach her!"

He grinned in delight, having a new plan of action. Oh yes, It would not be long now, Mariah! And she would know exactly what he thought of her vanishing act of the past few years.

* * *

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I know it's a shorter chapter than usual, but I PINKY-promise I will update soon to make up for it! And the action needed speeding up, I haven't even got to the crux of the story yet! I hoped you liked it – if so you could _show me_ by **reviewing** (please?). If it wasn't to your tastes, _also let me know_, I really want to learn and grow as a writer, so all criticism will be heeded, and hopefully incorporated in he future!

Please do communicate, it's the only way I get to talk to all you lovely people! And you have no idea how happy even a one-liner keeps me all day! So make me smile please, and review?

Hunny Spectrum xXx


	4. Recognition

Hello

_Hello dearies! I have to say, I am back, and with no HAOGE delay either – I _am_ proud! Sorry that I haven't been able to reply to reviews as yet, I honestly have been working hard to get _this_ out first and foremost!_

_I promise not to bore you with my ramblings too much so, thank yous, disclaimer, caution and OFF WE GO!_

**Aquarius Galuxy_,_Kitty Kat K.O._,_katrinagalaxy_, and _Bluestray**

_Thank you for your continued support of a story that nearly died – if you were in front of me, I would actually kiss you for your lovely reviews and kind words of encouragement.And_

**cRaZyGuRl093****, and Tainy**

_for joining this ride, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story and carry on reviewing._

**Disclaimer: I don't own it ¬.¬**

**Caution: Angst-Fluff chapter! Read at you own risk!**

* * *

**These Things I'll Never Say - Recognition**

A tall black haired man paced the sleek wooden floors tersely biting out words, turning every so often to his companion with blazing amber eyes, looking for agreement. Said companion slouched behind his desk, blue hair dishevelled, tie loosened and blazer slung haphazardly over the back of his swivel chair. He looked as disgruntled as his friend, though was not as loquacious about it, the tick pulsing above his left eye and the continuous tapping of his pen the only real outward signs.

It was unusual for the two friends to be in such lousy moods, given the place they were in. The pristine office of the owner of Biovolt Corp. and Hiwatari Industries was normally the backdrop of relaxing lunches and long sessions of regaling the antics of yesteryear. Despite the bluenette's notorious reputation for hostility to all and sundry, he was surprisingly warm when it came to old friends and team mates. Ray had been no exception when he had moved into town a few months previously, and was now a regular visitor.

He finished his rant, flopping into a chair, not bothering to notice the breathtaking view offered from behind grey blinds that were customarily shut. A silence fell over the room, only disturbed by the rhythmic tapping of the sleek silver Waterman held by long sophisticated fingers. He looked into eyes expectantly, the same colour as the polished mahogany that papers were strewn over, searching for a response.

"So have you finished yelling for good?" the quieter one rumbled, signs of stress and tiredness apparent on his drawn face. Ray quirked an eyebrow, but nodded nonetheless, he was here for a favour, after all.  
"Yeah, I need some help from you, dude…" Kai looked bewildered at this,  
"What do you want me to do? How am _I_ going to help in this mess you've made?"  
"Simple, man! Just give me her home address, so I can go and confront her straight – she certainly needs a telling to, and pretty soon by the looks of her attitude." He muttered, eyes narrowing to angry slits. The other remained unphased and unappreciative of this, drawling, "And _why_ should I do this?" Ray stiffened, nostrils flaring in outrage and brows furrowing,

"Did you not hear a _word_ I said a while back?" the bluenette raised a brow at the clipped tone is friend was using, "_She_ left _me!_ So, if I messed up when we finally meet years later, it should _not_ be treated like an unholy offence – I was surprised damnit! And like a gentleman, I try and go to apologise, but _she _continues to act like the _injured party_ and rejects my calls, appointments, anything to get in touch! I mean what is so wrong with wanting to meet up with an old friend? It's not like there are awkward memories or she 'was torn apart when we broke up' because _she_ left _me! _Hell, if anything _I'm_ the one who didn't get closure and should be upset about her upping sticks and leaving me without a trace!" he finished slamming his palms on the table.

Kai closed his eyes tiredly; he had had a lot to deal with over the past few weeks, both physically and mentally – his emotionally wrought friend was not helping matters. "You seem pretty hung up about _'her_ _leaving you'_." he observed. The other man slumped dejectedly, broad shoulders outlined by a plain white T-shirt almost seeming to collapse under the invisible burden they carried. He rubbed his hands nervously over his denim clad thighs, licking his dry lips before murmuring, "I never did understand that, you know?" his eyes softened, becoming vulnerable, dropping the façade of the impassive samurai warrior.  
"Things were going so well between us, she really trusted me and depended on me – I'd never had that unconditional faith before. And I know she had dreams of making an amazing future for herself, but it never involved moving away; her leaving _was not_ something we discussed, or I ever envisioned…" he said quietly, "I really loved her."

Kai's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, his voice, when he spoke was much colder and harsher. "She must have left for a reason, and if it wasn't planned or something she wanted to do soon, then _you_ must have done something… and now you're reaping the _rewards_ of that decision. That's karma for you." A stillness fell over the room, like the muggy heated calm before a raging storm.

"Something _I've_ done? Karma? Don't tell me that new-age, hippie girlfriend of yours has you taking joints of opium and playing the sitar too?" he sneered. The bluenette's eyes turned melancholic at those words, his whole self retreating behind self-made, iron-enforced, concrete walls. Hostility was apparent from his position.

"If you don't want to listen, then do what you want." he scribbled something down on a scrap of paper and flung it towards Ray, "Here's the damned address, so go, don't let the door hit you on your way."

He glared back at the business tycoon before storming out – never had he thought that a _woman_ would cause an argument between them.

* * *

A quick taxi ride later saw him looking up at tall block of apartments on an avenue lined with leafy poplars, the local park peeking out behind the corner of the block. 'She had never been able to survive unless she was near some sort of nature.' he mused. The curving sides of the shining rust coloured building, glinting invitingly in the bright afternoon sunshine, personified the same grace she emanated.

He noticed several children running along the pavement, followed by their parents strolling down together, arms wrapped around each other. The siblings stopped to talk to the doorman in immaculate white, the man laughing at the natural mischievousness of the little ones. Despite his foul mood, Ray's lips quirked in an involuntary smile at the pleasant picture they presented. He always had loved children, and hoped that in the future he would be able to settle down with a loving caring wife and have a few of his own – but such thoughts could wait, at the moment he had to focus on a feisty female who _was not_ going to ignore him any longer!

When he reached her floor, he noticed she had it to herself – surprising she had wanted _so much_ privacy as she had always been a very sociable person. The golden hued marble floor reflected the grim expression on his face, the soft lighting doing nothing to reduce the raw anger evident. Knocked away by the brooding beast he saw staring back at him, he made an effort to calm down. He was not here to intimidate and argue, well maybe a little of the later, but as a naturally gentle man, scaring people – _especially_ pretty young ladies – was not something he liked or wanted to do.

He briefly rang the ornate brass doorbell on the right of the golden oak panels, before leaning indolently against the frame. That position remained for a few minutes before his brows drew together in a frown, it seemed she wasn't answering, though he knew for a fact she was in – what reason did the bell boy on in the lift have to lie to him? He inhaled and exhaled deeply, forcing himself to calm down – it was OK, the bell may have been broken so he could always try the knocker. He rapped the matching brass knocker a few times, smartly, looking at interest at the shape – funny she had chosen one with the face of a mountain cat rather than the traditional lion. Another few minutes passed and still no answer – despite the audible signs of life coming from behind the portal. He came closer, pressing his ear to the door before trying the bell again. A melodious tune could be faintly heard through the wood – it wasn't broken, _so why the hell was she not answering?_ He backed away to a normal distance before pressing the bell several times in quick succession. A flustered "Coming" was given to him this time before a resounding crash and surprised shriek came from behind the frame. He proceeded the press the bell rapidly a few times further – she _would_ answer the door, crash or otherwise!

Finally the door opened a few inches and he could hear fretful scolding from inside: "Rin! What have I told you about that? You _know_ that it could be _anyone_! It's just not safe! Don't open up!"

Ignoring the feminine voice, Ray, not one to lose a chance, placed his foot in the gap and pushed it open. He heard a soft "oomph" and the rustle of cloth, but saw no-one – then he looked down. Getting up from the floor, rubbing her many skirted bottom, was the most adorable creature he had laid eyes on.

Two jet black bunches, tied with pink spotted bows, sat neatly atop her head, moving every time she tilted her head trying to make sense of the size of the stranger in front of her. Large amber eyes, framed by long curling lashed were wide with awe as she looked up at him. She seemed to decide that he was nice, and gave him an unexpected smile, her chubby cheeks flushing prettily, while he caught a flash of white, sharp little canines protruding from under rosebud lips. She folded her hands, with some difficulty behind her back, the many voluminous layers of her lacy white dress hindering her somewhat; while she scuffed a pink booted toe on the tiles.

Ray was still in shock as Mariah came, obviously fresh from the shower, clothed in a dressing gown with a towel wrapped on top of her head encasing wet hair. She immediately scooped the child – Rin her name appeared to be – both scolding and cuddling her. She finally noticed the person at the door, her eyes widening in fear as she realised it was him, her instinct being to draw the baby closer to her.

Even though it had only been a few seconds when he had time to just look at the child, her features blew him away… Noticing the awkward silence between the two adults, Rin spoke again, "I'm sorry Mommy, I didn't mean to be naughty, but the bell was ringing _so_ _many_ times! And now there's a man here to see you!" She grinned nuzzling her face into her 'Mommy's' neck. Ray took note of the tumbling black locks – definitely not a legacy of Mariah's, and the sparkling amber eyes; they were so close to her mother's but a few shades darker…just like _his_ were, and the shape of her face, the cute dimple on her left cheek – but didn't he….? His voice stuck in his throat at the realisation, but _how_? She couldn't be…. Could she?

Before he could speak, he noticed a subtle change in the woman's position. Her shoulders squared and her figure became erect and as poised as she was in the boardroom.

"How _dare_ you come and disturb my privacy like this? This is my _home!_ My _sanctuary_ away… away from the likes of you! I _know_ you've been trying to contact me, to '_meet up and reminisce about ol' times_' but I would have thought you were smart enough to get the message when I didn't answer – _any_ of those messages!" she hissed angrily, her fear giving her momentum as she presented it as anger.

"I will tell you straight, once and for all – _our relationship is STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL!!_ If you have a business related problem, contact my SECRETARY! Oh! And when we _do _have to work together, don't try anything funny like you did last time! I mean the nerve of you bringing up the past-! I'll tell you what you can do with all the _'Riah, baby'_ nonsense; stick it where the sun don't shine! Now, I don't know _how_ you got my address, or _how_ you convinced the doorman to let you in, but let me make this clear: NEVER contact me like this again, after hours is time for my child, for my _family!_ So NEVER come here again!" she shouted, fighting back angry tears.

She finished her tirade, but none of it sunk in, the idea that the child -! was too mind numbing to contemplate anything else. As she started to close the door, fully intending to slam it in his face, he stopped its progress with a flat palm. He looked at her, searching her face for a sign – any sign! Pallid and shaking he asked her hoarsely, "Whose is she?"

The child removed her thumb from her mouth and head from her mother's shoulder to look at him indignantly after his comment, while her mother froze panic stricken, even the droplets of moisture in her eyes stilling. "I'm _Mommy's_, of course" she told him rolling her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing on the planet. Mariah gave a choked sob, errant tears spilling down her face, causing two black-haired heads to turn towards her in concern. With a strength fuelled by hurt, she pushed him out, taking the child inside with her.

Ray, shocked to the core, remained at the entrance to her apartment a few minutes longer while he tried to gather his wits. Behind the door, lived a beautiful, wonderful child who he had never met before, but was bonded to more closely than he could imagine. He didn't understand himself why he had asked her that, not when there were _so_ many physical similarities between the two – even more so because he didn't need assurances and guarantees that the little girl was his; it had been instinctive. Just as he had felt complete when he had first experienced Driger's mighty but comforting presence, he had felt a piece of the unfinished puzzle that he often felt his life was, slide into place. One shy smile was all that it had taken for him to recognise that deep bond of the same blood that pulsed in their veins.

* * *

Greenery, outdoors and solitude had often given comfort to the white tiger, yet at this time, his brain was so filled with thoughts rushing around, nothing could bring back that calm stillness.

Sitting morosely on a park bench, Ray found a tall cup of coffee-to-go thrust at him. He accepted it with surprise and a quiet "thanks" as the giver of the gift took a seat beside him. The wind blowing past felt icy now the bright sunshine of hours ago was covered by thick grey clouds. He took a tentative sip, relishing the rich, dark warmth it offered. The bluenette beside him said nothing, merely drinking his own cup and glaring moodily at the scene of children valiantly playing in the playground.

Youngsters shouted in delight and exhilaration as they swung higher and higher, span faster and faster, climbed further and further – the innocent joy only children could possess shone from every wide-eyed, red-cheeked face. His eyes flickered as something fell into place – the sudden coldness from a dear friend…?

"You knew, didn't you?" he asked simply, turning to look at the more stoic man. His eyes slid to the side to settle on Ray, and after a sigh and a resigned shrug he grunted "Hn." Though he normally would have reacted with shock and anger at a concealment so awful, Ray felt drained of all emotions after the rollercoaster he had been on that morning. "Then why the hell didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly.  
"I was going to… I hinted at it, then all that about Honey….." he trailed off bitterly, almost deflating at the thought of the woman. Ray turned to him fully, concerned at the behaviour of his normally indifferent friend, "Why, what's the deal with Honey?" he asked gently, knowing how sensitive and unstable Kai could get at the really low points in his life. "She's good friends with Mariah, almost like an aunty to the kid." he replied, mahogany eyes softening. Ray looked troubled at the deliberate misunderstanding, but didn't press further; he was never one to open up to others, despite the hurt he caused himself in the process.

"So… how long have you guys known this?" he probed, drumming his fingertips on the warm cardboard. The other man ran a tired hand through tousled locks, "I dunno… from the start I guess…" Ray's eyes lit up and he leaned forward subconsciously, "You mean you saw her being born?" he queried breathlessly.  
"No." He listened intently, waiting for him to continue, but no additional explanation was given.  
"When did you guys meet then?"  
"She'd already had Rin, and was in a bad situation -" he broke off suddenly crushing his cup in a frustrated fist, "Look, I'm not good at these sort of things," he ground out, "You'd be better talking to _Honey_ – she knows Mariah better than me."

Though desperate to know more, he halted his interrogation realising the emotional pain the other was in. "You need to get home, Kai. You're really not in a good way man, go home and get some rest." he advised, standing up. The bluenette looked up at him and nodded, before rising himself. The two walked past the playground, merry shouts of children's laughter echoing, in companionable silence.

As they reached Kai's sleek grey Mustang, Ray asked one last question.  
"I know talking about her hurts, man, but I need to know where Honey is now." A cold mask descended on the quiet man's face,  
"It doesn't affect me. She'll be at work now."

He abruptly got in the car and sped away without another word. Ray watched as the panther-like car cut through the traffic like Moses did to the red sea. He was worried, that behaviour was not Kai, never had he seen the man more cut up. But currently, his own problems were of greater importance. 'He'll pull through, he's stronger than that' he told himself as he turned to go his own destination.

* * *

As he walked through the door, he smiled inwardly; it seemed he and Honey were pretty alike when it came to the state of desks. The girl's concentration was absolute, so much so that she did not notice as he entered and stood to the side to wait for her attention. Ray took the time to assess that which had made his friend so utterly miserable for the past couple of weeks. The small figure leaned forward zealously over the top of her desk, shoulders hunched beneath a scarlet suit as she scribbled away furiously. Despite well applied make-up, her eyes still showed signs of tiredness and tears; being red, sunken in and lined with dark circles. She bit her lip nervously, drawing blood, yet not realising until a drop fell on the pristine white paper below. She gave a cry of alarm – all that hard work wasted and searched fruitlessly for a tissue.

Ever the gentleman, Ray stepped forward and handed her his handkerchief she accepted it gratefully, then her eyes widened as she realised a strange man was standing in her office, and there was no security whatsoever. He smiled to put her at ease, and began in a soothing tone, "Hey, you must be Honey! You probably don't know me, as yet, but I've got to know a lot about you!" Terror flooded into her face as she instinctively shrunk back into the large leather chair, hands scrabbling to find keys or something to knock the intruder down – whichever came first.

Ray then became conscious of the way his words could be interpreted and hastily tried to reassure her. "No! No! Not like that – I'm a friend of Kai's!" Relief and a good deal of sadness crossed her face as she visibly relaxed in front of him. "Oh! I – I see! So… why are you here?" she asked cautiously.  
"You sure cut to the chase, don't you!" he teased. Her cheeks flamed and she bit her lip again.  
"Oh my! You must think me terribly rude! Please, take a seat – uh… uh….I don't know your name, do I?" Honey finished with a sheepish smile. Ray could only smile warmly as he did as she asked. "I'm Ray, Ray Kon."

She froze momentarily, eyes hardening to icy chips, her fists clenching involuntarily. "Raymond Kon, I see…" she paused to assess him watching him with a cool, judging gaze. "I believe you're wrong about my knowledge of you… I _certainly_ know _enough._" Noting the sudden change in her attitude to him, he hesitated momentarily, "Uh… right…good! Umm, I think you know a good friend of mine – Mariah." He started hopefully, before she shot him a furious glare.  
"A _friend of yours?_ _Really_? In that case, I feel _very _sorry for Kai, and _thankful _I am not counted in that circle of a _lucky few!"_ She shot back, sarcasm lacing every word. Ray was taken aback by her vehemence, but ploughed on further, determined to know the whole story.  
"Surely…surely it couldn't have been _that_ bad! From what I see, she and her child are very comfortable…." Shock and ire suffused onto her face,  
"She told _you_ about Rin? And you think they're _comfortable_?? Well let me tell _you_ mister! You know _nothing_ about what the two of them have gone through, and how _strong_ they've had to be to survive it! That bad-! It was a thousand times _worse_ than you could imagine!"  
"Then _tell me!_ I know the child is mine – hell any fool could tell she is! I think I _deserve_ to know what has happened to her in the first few years of her life!"  
"You _deserve __**nothing!**_" she finished, shaking with suppressed rage.

Ray looked at her with pleading eyes, his face beseeching rather than demanding.  
"_Please!_ I need to know… otherwise I'll never be able to connect with Mariah. And I need to do that, or else… or else; I won't be in a position to be the _daddy Rin should have_." She stopped, caught up in the emotion of his words.  
"What – what do you mean by that?" she asked uncertainly her face open and for the first time willing to listen to him.  
"She's my child, Honey. My _little girl_. I want to be there for her during the heartbreak and the joy, I want to be able to look after her – doesn't every father?"

Honey's anger and resolve to tell him nothing wavered, a strange longing entering her eyes. "Look after her? You mean the full hog, from dusting off her knees and popping her on your shoulders when she falls over, to scaring off overzealous teenage boys, to dancing the father-daughter dance on her 16th birthday?" She asked wistfully. His eyes shone tenderly as he thought of the times he would be able to share with his daughter; determination, that they would come to fruition, sparking.

"The whole shebang." he promised, "So will you tell me, Honey? When did you meet? What happened?"  
She sighed softly, a weariness settling over her face, as she sat back down. "It's a long story – you got the time?" her face was wry, but her eyes assessing.  
"For Rin, I do." Ray replied sincerely. Finally accepting the man was no fake, she began, "She was _so brave._" She breathed in admiration, "And she's done so much…"

* * *

_Okies peep-les! That was quite a long chappie and was threatening to become EVEN BIGGER!_

_I'm sorry I left you on a cliffie, I know you want to know poor Mariah's past, but you shall have to tune in next time! Also a lot more of character de-vilifying here – we all know Ray's a nice guy, and I intend to have you guessing why his betrayal came about! . I have to say, I was not pleased with the last section, it doesn't get the emotion I felt while writing it, across… and they all seem a bit bipolar for some reason! meh! ¬¬ Parts like that _annoy_ me SOOO much! If you can tell me how to improve it – I will bake you cyber cookies and send them off to you!_

_I shall say; I have tried to churn this out as soon as possible, despite having to go to hospital two days so far (No, I'm not ill, just observing – Doctors are __**even cooler **__than they show on the TV shows!". So enjoy! And you can __**show that appreciation**__ by _**REVIEWING!!**_ I LOVE the things, and if you have any tips on how to improve my craft – PLEASE! Gimme 'em!_

_I won't say good-bye, as I intend to get the next one out pretty soon! So au revoir for now!_

_Hunny-Spectrum xXx_


	5. Recollection

_Long, loooooooong chapter ahead! So I hope you enjoy! Sorry for the time to update, it's glorious summer and I'm down with the flu, so writing hasn't been the easiest…plus I have a medical aptitude exam to be revising for and er… yeah, not done much yet – so know I have you all waaaaay up on my list of priorities! -_

_Thank you again to: _katrinagalaxy, flamehaze-shana, Kitty Kat K.O., Aquarius Galuxy, cRaZyGuRl093, Bluestray and steph300

_This chapter is ESPECIALLY for you, as you were kind enough to review! You are the ones that give me the energy and encouragement to stay up until 3 in the morning to get this out, and I have to say, you've made me fans of you all!_

**Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue!**

* * *

**These things I'll Never Say - Recollection**

A lone woman, with baby on hip stood on the side of the pavement. Her face was drawn in miserably, lines of fatigue, stress and lack of care showing plainly. Her jaw was set, but her eyes ablaze with fierce determination – she _had_ to get give out these last thirty brochures. Selling in the town on the streets was always the hardest, the other girls had told her so, but for her it was necessary – here she got commission for each one, something she dearly needed with Rin going through a growth spurt. She cast a worried eye of the small dummy sucking child clinging to her, as she tucked a stray strand of fuchsia behind her ear. She needed to eat, as Rin needed nutrition. It didn't matter that she barely had enough to scrape together to pay the rent of the dingy flat, with its paint peeling off the wall and constant drips from the windows on rainy days; her baby could not go without on something so basic as food.

She scanned the crowds passing by, it was sales season and many women were rushing to get the best and earliest bargains; though few had the time or change to take a booklet away with them. What she needed was a kind face; they were the ones - usually in the form of lovely old ladies – who would help her out. Her eye was caught quite suddenly with a bright splash of poppy red on a pretty white sundress. Peals of happy laughter came from the woman as she dragged a taller more brooding man behind her. Well, she certainly wasn't an old lady, but she had _that look_ about her face, the look they all had. Mariah made a tentative step forward offering a glossy packaged brochure,

"Excuse me, Ma'am," The lady immediately stopped with a smile; that only turned to shock when she saw the age of the girl in front of her, with baby in tow. She faltered, often women saw her as some kind of hussy because of her age and baby. They were not ones who would buy anything from her, ever.

She looked at her with concern, "Yes, sweetie what can I help you with?" the man next to her stared intently, causing the pinkette to shrink back. She turned her attention back to the kindly young woman – she couldn't be more than 2-3 years older than her, yet was so elegant and debonair and had an innate way of making her feel comfortable.

"Umm…I was wondering….if you would like to…. buy a brochure? It… it sounds odd, but it comes with a many deals, offers and coupons inside, and the money is to fund printing and…" she said quickly, launching into her sales pitch, as best as she could. The lady was otherwise preoccupied though, taking in Rin and cooing softly at her.

"Why yes! Of course I'll have one, never one to turn down freebies!" she joked, almond shaped eyes crinkling at the corners. "So, how much are they? And I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is the beautiful girl's name?"

"Just a dollar each, and her name's Rin." She smiled back, withdrawing her purse and taking out the required change.

"Thank you!" she said as she took the booklet and tucked it in a shopping bag, "Rin is absolutely gorgeous; her mommy must be very proud ne?" She looked up, having bent down to be level with the baby. The question was just to verify she really was the mother, and only served to amuse the young mother. Mariah laughed, "Yes, I am, she is mine!" she replied, her eyes twinkling. The elder blushed and apologised profusely, yet seemed unwilling to carry on, as did her partner, who had not as yet let up his measuring stare of her.

Taken aback by the intensity of his gaze, she asked "Erm, yes?" to the couple. The woman was sheepish and fiddled with her bag straps,

"Please don't mind me, I was just thinking that I had seen you somewhere! You're not secretly famous, or have a look-a-like star or something, do you?" she teased gently. She smiled sweetly, about to answer in the negative, when the man suddenly said, "_Mariah?_" The lady looked surprised and discomfited, as she did.

"How do you…?" she started, the pinkette also asking the intimidating man the same thing, only silently in her head.

"She was my ex-team-mate's girlfriend." He said to her shortly before turning to her, "What are you…? And the baby, it looks the spit of him – is there a problem?" he asked her softly, noting the sudden build-up of moisture in the girl's eyes. It was just too much, too quickly. The discovery that the daunting man was Kai, the stoic captain of the Bladebreakers, brought back too many memories of _him_. They rose in her chest like a tidal wave, threatening to choke and drown her in misery and self-pity. She felt her knees buckle, and her grip around Rin loosened as the corners of her vision started to fade.

Thankfully, she was caught by the worried blunette, while the lady had quickly steadied Rin, and taken her into her own arms. She raised her head tiredly from his chest and looked at them in confusion. Her face had turned a deathly pale, highlighting the deep purple rings around her eyes. "Rin…!" she said, automatically reaching for her, anguish apparent in her tone.

"Shhh! It's okay sweetie, I've got her, you may drop her, feeling as faint as you are." She assured her gently, "Kai, we need to get her out of here, the poor thing's obviously not well…." she put an gentle hand on the pinkette's shoulder and squeezed sympathetically. Kai nodded decisively, and ushered them away, murmuring, "My place is fine for the time being."

* * *

An hour later, sitting on a comfy sofa of the squashy kind, with tea and cakes inside her, Mariah felt infinitely better. Noting the return of colour to her papery cheeks, the elder of the two – who she now knew to be called "Honey" - smiled encouragingly,

"You poor dear! I know how awful it feels when you're running on empty!" she empathised, bouncing the baby girl on her knee. Kai snorted, and they all turned to look at him,

"Hn. Was it a ridiculous _dieting_ thing?" he said with a look at Honey. She resolutely refused to meet his gaze, and focused on the baby. Mariah giggled at the interplay between the two before answering,

"No, no! I've lost plenty of weight, thanks! If anything, I need to eat properly because I'm still breastfeeding her." She nodded with a grin over to her child.

"Wow! That's really great, experts always say it's the best thing to do. It must be so much effort, and time-consuming, though! How many months are you going to do it until?" the raven gushed, her bright chocolate eyes shining with warmth.

"Umm, well she's 7 months now, and I'm supplementing her with baby food too, so I hope to wean her off by the time she's… a year or so?" Mariah replied uncertainly glancing at the scowling Kai. Noticing her look, Honey chuckled,

"Oh, don't worry about him! He's just moody because he hasn't got to cuddle Rin yet!" The mother looked at him in surprise, and gestured to pick her up. "Oh! Go on, please, I really don't mind…"

"Can I?" he asked his mouth curving slightly into a smile.

"Yes! Of course! It's the least I could do after looking after me today…" she trailed off as she realised she had lost him completely. The tenderness in his eyes showed he had fallen under the spell of the child in pink knit, just as many before him had had. He cradled her gently, his large hands outlining the tiny size of her body, as she in turn gurgled happily up at him.

Mariah smiled, "I never knew the 'Ice Prince' of the Bladebreakers had a soft spot for babies!" she teased, mirth inflecting her words. He looked up with a half-smile,

"No. Not babies, baby girls. Hopefully in the future I'll have one of my own," he added, looking at Honey's bent raven head. Mariah caught his gaze and grinned warmly, even though she had only been with them an hour or so, the two made a lovely couple. "Ray… he always _was_ the luckiest out of us."

"Oh goodness! Ray! Yes! You _have _to tell me all about it? So….What did he say when he found out? And when he saw her?" Honey asked her excitedly. Mariah's face fell at this, her soft mouth pursing and brows creasing in sadness. So many months… She thought she had gotten over it, when that night didn't haunt her dreams; but the blinding pain in her chest at that moment felt like her heart was breaking all over again. "I- Oh! I _am_ sorry sweetheart, I didn't… did he not… was he not…happy?" she questioned gently. She shook her head, bravely fighting back the warm sting of tears at the back of her eyes.

"He doesn't know." She whispered.

"_What?!_" Kai was aghast, "_How could you keep this from him?_" her lower lip trembled visibly, as she felt the waves of tears well up from re-living that night.

"He was…with…someone else at the time. I-I couldn't tell him when I found out." She choked out biting her lip to maintain some semblance of composure.

"You could have told him later, the day after, _any time over the past 16 months!_" he accused. Honey sent him a warning glance to stop, as the pinkette had succumbed to silent, body wrenching sobs.

"I don't think she means 'with someone else' as a temporary going to see a friend thing, Phoenix. Leave her be." She said softly, moving to hold the crying woman. "Do you want to tell us about it, hun, sometimes it's just good to have a sounding board and get it off your chest." She murmured as she gently stroked her back and hair. She shook her head again and again, but with a lot of encouraging, when her sobs had diminished enough to be coherent she spoke again.

"H-He was cheating on me! I had found out I was p-p-pregnant and he was ch-cheating on me." She whimpered brokenly, "I know… I know I d-don't have a lot to give Rin… b-but w-would you have told him, if y-you were in my p-place?" she asked, lifting her tear-stained face to the raven haired woman. Honey's eyes had filled as well, and she squeezed the younger woman closer to her.

"No darling, I wouldn't. I couldn't do it either." she whispered into her hair, feeling as if a vice was on her chest, squeezing to bursting point. Kai refused to believe it and he shook his head.

"No. He wouldn't. Not Ray, he's a good guy… and when it came to you…"

"It's why I moved here in the first place – my family are traditional, and I couldn't tell him. If I had stayed…" She broke off imaging the horrible fate for her baby.

It took some time to regain composure of all present, to get back some semblance of normalcy despite the strain and tension in the room. They talked further, found out where she lived and realised the conditions were awful, just by knowing the part of town it was in. Drug addicts, drunks and prostitutes swarmed in the place, making it one of the cheaper parts of town, but by no means an area to bring up a child. They found out how poorly she was eating and surviving to make sure Rin had enough, and how the women with children from work took advantage of her innate kindness – all with the subtlety and finesse of two entrepreneurs used to deciphering the subtext. She was too proud to tell them how awful it felt for her after years of living in the love and care of a respected family. She was too headstrong to let them know the kind of suffering and loneliness she felt from living her life as an outcast of society, the fear of giving birth in bath of her boss's house, the only person kind enough to offer her help. But they saw it all, she was till too young, to artless to be able to take on the world and hold herself high.

It was decided the current job would have to end, and that she would live with Honey. Though hotly contested by Mariah at first, furious at the thought of hand-outs and charity. She only acquiesced when she realised it would be seen in the sense of doing a friend a favour, by keeping her company and caring somewhat about organising meals, while he was out of the country on work. They _were_ helping her out, but she would be free to work and pay her half of the food etc.

* * *

He left and Mariah moved in.

The next few months were of recuperation, her heart and soul finally getting time to patch over that wound. She was kept constantly busy, new friends, new neighbours, and a roommate that saw her potential and was not prepared to let her waste it. She had flair, with children everything came naturally to her and parents living close by noticed it quickly. After arranging to let her have use of a room on the ground floor, she quickly had a list of working mums who felt indebted to her, when their children came home with smiling faces and a story of what they had done to tell. They tried to assuage their guilt with gifts of flowers, wine, hampers full of food and endless cards while she looked for a job. Eventually, shamefaced about her continual kindness without payment, the parents called together and offered to make the set-up official. Delighted with the idea, the she put the money together, donated by well-wishers, for the paperwork, and the first Happy Days nursery was born.

The days went by, and her clientele grew, soon officials were knocking on her door to check the staff to child ratio, and found her wanting. Worried about closure and losing a livelihood she loved so much, Mariah threw herself into legislation and documentation. Borrowing from the great Hiwatari library and with a little help from Honey, her nights were spent with care plans, ideas for expansion, and drawing up pitches for investment; while her days were used to care for the children and interview new staff – people with real care for the children. Impressed by her efficiency and keen eye when choosing and managing staff, Honey offered her a job and training in her own firm. Grateful, but eager to pursue the line she had real interest in; she declined, but continued to keep her friend in the loop about new developments.

Profits increased and increased, only to be re-invested into toys, books, games to keep the children entertained. The place seemed to flourish on kindness and happiness, with parents eager to donate old toys and recommend the wonderful nursery that felt like home to the children. Games, songs and laughter filled her days, as she once again felt some of the happiness she had had playing with brothers, cousins and friends in the dewy field behind her cottage. But, months in, with Rin just over a year problems struck again – the little room on the ground floor was too small, and Mariah herself did not have the managerial qualifications the proprietor of a large successful nursery needed. Not to mention cash flow issues, with her original job of distributing brochures, she had never had enough, and had destroyed her credit rating, and though _Happy Days_ was doing well; it still wasn't enough to buy a bigger place.

Fruitlessly, she went every weekend from bank to bank, looking for a loan that she could afford, given her credit ratings. Stressed and reverting somewhat to her nervous cowed down state, Honey realised something was wrong and confronted her about it.

"Alright pussycat, spill it now." She asked abruptly over dinner one day, once Rin had been put to bed. The meal had been conducted in near silence, and Mariah was surprised at the sudden outburst.

"Sorry? Umm, what do you mean?" she asked tilting her head to one side in confusion. The raven haired woman grinned at her,

"Okay, tell Aunty Honey what's wrong and she'll fix it for her sweetie!" Mariah snorted with laughter as it bubbled up in her chest.

"Aunty? You're _barely_ two years older than me! What could _you_ do!" she teased. The other feigned annoyance and crossed her arms over her ample bosom in mock-anger, her eyes twinkling in merriment.

"Oh! The cheek of young ones nowadays! You should listen to your elders, sunshine, so do as I say and tell me!"

"Oh yes Ma'am, of course Ma'am!" she replied hurriedly, with exaggerated politeness and reverence, bowing her head. Looking up, they glanced at each other before bursting into giggles. Once they had recovered, Honey tried again, resting her face on her palm.

"So? What's bugging you?" asked with that warm smile that Mariah now knew was to wring information from people who didn't want to give it.

"You know, the nursery and stuff like that." She answered vaguely. Honey nodded and said gently,

"Is it about the loans then?"

Mariah's head whipped up in surprise, a betrayed expression drifted onto her face. Honey looked concerned and hastily added,

"They were on your dresser; I saw them when you let me borrow your eyeliner… I hope you don't mind too terribly…" Mariah relaxed and her head hung with a heavy burden.

"Yeah, it's okay… it is the loans though…" she paused as Honey 'mm-ed' sympathetically, "I can't get one that won't drag me and my business down if I have a bad coupe of months see – what with the state of my account before…?" She looked up helplessly noticing an excited glint in Honey's eyes.

"You know what, Kai's coming home in a couple of days!" she said with a wide smile. The pinkette was surprised, Honey wasn't usually like this, so dismissive of others problems, then again, she had missed him waiting with anticipation for the flying weekend visits he made every fortnight or so…. maybe it was because money was the only thing that had caused arguments between them, one unwilling to accept 'charity'; the other unwilling to take money from a friend. She let it slide and nodded, happy that the woman who had shown her so much kindness was pleased.

"Yeah, you must have missed him loads." She replied with a soft smile, a bittersweet feeling causing her heart to clench at the thought of the couple. Honey's whole face seemed to be luminous and glowing with the thought, and she blushed lightly.

"Well, yes, of course! I'm exultant about _that! _But I was thinking of you!" Mariah paused, a strange look gracing her face,

"_What?!_ Honey, he's coming home to fangirl number one, _not me!_" she ribbed with a pointed look.

"I am _not_ a fangirl!" she denied vehemently, "And you know what I'm talking about!"

"_Actually,_ I don't!"

"Oh come on! It's just perfect! Hiwatari Industries gives out _grants_ to young budding businesses like Happy Days! Forget paying back loans, this will be what you need to start yourself off!" Her face darkened as she felt anger and mutiny sit in a tight ball in her chest.

"No."

Honey was taken aback by the passion in her voice, "What? But it's-"

"No." she repeated, "I've told you before Honey, I'm really grateful for you going out of your way to help me, but I don't take hand outs, especially those in the range of thousands of dollars." The other stood up, real irritation evident in every line of her body.

"Mariah Chou! Really, you have to be the _most stubborn and infuriating_ woman I have _ever_ come across!" she opened her mouth to defend herself, but the raven, with a headache starting to pound behind her eyes, stopped her with a hand. "_No_! Listen for once!These are _not_ hand-outs! Do you _really_ think that any small starting business could get up off the ground without a rich benefactor to give it capital? _All_ large companies have a pot of money to invest in and help out new, exciting projects – like Happy Days! Hiwatari Industries just prefers to do it in the form of grants."

The pinkette's eyes widened in confusion,

"But… but why? I mean what would he get out of it…?" Honey's eyes shone as she saw she was breaking through, her tone became much more light-hearted.

"Simple economic theory – wealth generates wealth…. Plus; he would get your loyalty until your _dying day_, to _only_ travel on his planes, and _only_ use his clothes manufacturers for uniforms – all at a very reasonable rate, I assure you!"

She giggled, at her friend's teasing, Kai was not so bad like that.

"So it's not for sure? Just a professional proposition, like at the bank and he could refuse?"

"Absolutely, totally professional, but he won't refuse, your offer looks good enough to eat!" she exclaimed clapping her hands. "_And…_ if he _is_ fool enough to reject it, I would love to invest in exchange for shares – how does 60 to me and 40 to you sound?"

Mariah grinned and shook her head. "How about 75:25, in favour of _me?!_"

Honey laughed, "Oh sweetie, you're going to do just fine!"

The next couple of days were spent in a flurry of drawing together old ideas, plans and proposals into the perfect pitch for the arrival of the bluenette. When the time did come, he was more than happy to fund the project, and not just because he had become a good friend, it had been a genuinely good proposal and a fine example of enterpreneurship.

* * *

That had probably been the beginning of her upward spiral. The money was invested and a lovely new building with area to expand was purchased. Parents and children alike were delighted at the result, creating so much good press and publicity, that she was soon featured on the local then city newspapers. As the fame of Happy Days grew, parents were clamouring to send their children there, leading it to rival some of the best children's institutions in the city. She recruited more and more staff: a cook, several cleaners, baby care assistants, key workers for different ages, music teachers, dance teachers, a sports coach, the list grew and grew. Meanwhile the list of her modern amenities also rose, with Happy Days offering facilities that rivalled many of the private schools in the area – but it was always all inclusive, and anyone who wanted their children to have the chance to behave like a child, with all the fun, games and facilities they could have, was given the opportunity to send them there. Mariah would not let her experience of not having enough for Rin, not being able to give her the best in everything, be repeated by other children.

Yet, raising the money to fund underprivileged children at the nursery; was proving to be a huge task. She had already recognised her lack of expertise in the area of managing a business, and using part of the initial grant had enrolled into a part-time course to get a diploma. This coupled with fighting through the red tape to get funding for the less well off children meant she was soon spending most of her time behind a desk, away from the children she had originally wanted to work alongside. Nonetheless, it was something she bore; Rin was close to two and happier than she had ever been. Over the course of the year, she had been able to put a deposit down for her own flat – this time in a nice part of town full of families, Rin was hearty, healthy and already showing signs of a talent for dance, trying to join in when the teacher came. These developments more than made up for a desk job.

And in the middle of her second year, further success came her way. All the national newspapers spoke of it, creating rumours, blackening her name, but Mariah was beyond caring. In the dinner parties she had been dragged to by her good friend Honey, or sometimes even by the big-brother-like Kai, she had had the fortune to meet an elderly gentleman by the name of Odaiba Takashi. Impressed by Mariah's determination and guts to make a success of herself; despite the circumstances, he had asked to keep in touch with her – she later found out it was because she reminded him of his daughter, who had lost her battle with leukaemia.

The great offer, in honour of her 21st birthday and the completion of her diploma; was to turn Happy Days into a national chain, each offering the same high quality and standard of care. She had been stunned at the generous offer; the amount of money he suggested was no joke. But after understanding his reasons – the man wanted to leave something behind for the next generation, to produce kind, strong individuals like Mariah – and negotiating a deal, with help from Honey and Kai, to give him a percentage of the company as thanks; she finally accepted.

People talked as they were wont to do – some surmised that she was his illegitimate daughter, whom he was acknowledging now she was successful; others were worse assuming she must be his mistress hence the large input of money into a business like a chain of nurseries. It all caused a flurry of interest and an eye to watch her wherever she went.

It hurt at first, the pap following her around, treating her with the same derision her home town would have, had she stayed; but it was something she ignored. The task she had taken on was no mean feat, requiring almost constant attention, and a great deal of travelling nationwide. Sheer hard work had got the 14 institutions up and running around the country in large cities. She had been forced to sacrifice her social life, hire staff for central administration in order to have enough time with Rin, and nearly had 2 nervous breakdowns from pushing herself too hard; but she had done it; finishing a gargantuan task over a mere two and a half years.

Things were calming down and looking up for the long-term. The memories of yesteryear that tore her up from the inside and made her hands shake as she tried to take her daily tablets, were almost gone…..

….And then _he_ had come back.

* * *

"Mariah? Hey, Kitten, you in there?" Honey asked with concern as she peered at her over Rin's pigtails. Mariah shook her head to clear it from her daze, the noisy bustle and humid warmth of the coffee house getting back to her.

"Yeah, of course, I'm fine… do you want me to take Rin?" she asked. Honey handed over the dimpling child to her, as she enveloped her mother in a bear hug and proceeded to finish off the chocolate covered biscotti. Mariah never minded her holding Rin, the reason she was known as "Aunty Honey" was because the two had become as close as sisters over the time they had known each other; so the only reason for wanting her back was that she was upset.

"I…I'm sorry sweetheart, would you preferred it had he not known? I didn't realise… I thought because he knew about Rin, and…. It was wrong of me to tell him everything…." Mariah lifted her head from tending to her daughter's hair,

"Don't worry, and _don't_ apologise! He would have found out anyways, and it's better from _you_ than anybody else – you know the truth about everything, but wouldn't get as emotional as me." Honey made a strange face and looked on into her cup. "What? What did you do?" she asked with a cheeky lilt.

"Do? Me? _Nothing!_...But I may have yelled at him and whatnot…." Mariah just raised her brows and looked at her over the rim of the thick cappuccino mug while taking a sip. "Oh! Don't give me that 'I'm-a-mum-and-you-did-a-naughty' look! He deserved it, and I still maintain he's an absolute arsehole for cheating on you!" she finished with a huff.

She continued grinning, while her daughter looked at her uncertainly from her lap.

"Mommy, what's an 'arsehole'?" she asked after a long pause. The smile swiftly fell as she glared over the table.

"I don't know darling, why don't we ask Aunty Honey?"

Honey winced, both at the look and the situation.

"Well, sweetheart, it's a word to describe a nasty person…."

"So…. does that mean Jordan from school, who pushed me over in the playground, is an arsehole?" she asked innocently, tilting her head to the side like her mother did. Mariah didn't say a word, sending daggers and an unspoken _'You fix this'_ across the table. Honey gulped and tried to make amends.

"No, darling, he's not, because it's not a very nice word to use and nice girls like you don't use it."

"But _you_ did, and you're nice – you play tea party with me all the time and you're always a good girl, isn't she Mommy?" she said looking up for her agreement.

"Ah! But today I've been a naughty girl." She said hanging her had in shame, playing along. Mariah, unable to resist snorted,

"Why, is that Kai's influence?" Honey blushed rosy, but Rin didn't notice, coming to her beloved Uncle's defence,

"_No!_ Uncle Kai is _always_ a good boy!" she exclaimed. The two women smiled at her,

"Really, is that you speaking, or the little people in your stomach that love ice-cream?" she joked. The child took a moment to ponder, tapping a chubby little finger on her chin, pouting slightly with the effort.

"Hm…. I think…I think, that part of it are the people in my tummy; but most of it's me!" she smiled toothily, "He's very nice, isn't he Aunty Honey?" Caught unawares she was flustered by the question, but Rin didn't seem to want an answer, continuing and looking soulfully at her, "But he seems really sad now! Aunty Honey, you're his friend aren't you? Can't you make him feel better like you do to me?"

The innocence of the question floored Honey, and though usually coolly composed, she could not contain the stray hot tears that rolled down her cheeks.

"I-I'll _always _be his _friend_, sweetie," she promised sincerely, "maybe you should tell him that, because he listens to you?" Mariah bit her lip in consternation, aware of the hurt that was coursing through her friend. She may have her own problems, but right now, her friend needed her.

* * *

_This was just supposed to be a history of Mariah and how she magically became cool, kick-ass, and independent!! (Yes, I _have_ to have a strong female protagonist in each story, because in all honesty, that IS what we are.) But, unfortunately, I got carried away by seeing Rin (opinions on her please!) and wanting to develop her a bit!_

_Also, in parts, I know you seem to step back from the action, with it being reported for a long time, and I was hoping for a kind of montage effect, to show it's a memory and the passing of time; rather than me just rushing it… did I succeed? Please let me know! And if anything else about the chapter is to your taste of distaste!_

_Infact, let me know ANYTHING in the form a review!_

_Thanks for reading, I know A/N's are a chore, but they do help us!_

_Love, Hunny-Spectrum xXx_

_PS: I am incredibly sorry on how long this has taken me to update! This chappie has been rotting on my harddrive for over a month, and could have been posted a week after the previous chapter... only I hate it, and have had terrible block since, so have not been able to make it more - interesting! I am really sorry! I will try harder next time, if you want to flame I can well understand - I would in your place, but please make it constructive? Many thanks. xxxx  
_


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